Yo DJ, let's kick it!


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I have just received a very interesting email from Gemma, who described an encounter she had with a dickhead who wasn't wearing a helmet. I feel that to communicate the gravity of the situation to any hipsters who may be reading this, I will have to translate it into the international language of hip-hop. So DJ, lay down some phat beatz while I spit dis shit. Yo, check it!

I was ridin' on da footpath in the late afternoon
With my homegirl Lucy, yeah that's what we was doin'
The sun was bright orange and low in da sky
And Lucy said, "Girl, helmets just ain't fly!
I don't need that shit; I roll slow wit my wheels!"
I said, "Let someone hit ya and see how it feels!
Remember one time a dawg rode into me?
I don't wanna have beef, but let's just say we disagree!"

So to all my ladies, when your head goes smack
And your helmet ain't on, it's wiggity-wiggity-wack!
(wiggity-wiggity-wack? wiggity-wiggity-wack!)
If you're in a bike stack, it's wiggity-wiggity-wack!

And as we was rolling past da cemetery
This sucka rode by, looked like he was in a hurry
We pulled up to Lygon, a busy intersection
Peeps was waitin' at the lights to get all pedestrian
They flashed us the green, and we went to do our thang
When a car hit da sucka with a screech and a bang!
See, the driver turned early, he was blinded by the light
Couldn't see that douche, and did a runner in the night

So to all my fellaz, when your head goes smack
And your helmet ain't on, it's wiggity-wiggity-wack!
(wiggity-wiggity-wack? wiggity-wiggity-wack!)
If you're in a bike stack, it's wiggity-wiggity-wack!

So the sucka kissed road, and he didn't look cool
With a peak-hour crowd knowing he's a damn fool
It was lucky for the dawg that his bike took the hit
But his wheels were totalled; he wasn't riding shit!
So he had to drag it home; I said, "He got served!
That cocky motherfucker got just what he deserved!"
And Lucy said, "Damn girl, perhaps you was right
Let's hit up Kmart for some helmets tonight!"

So to all my people, when your head goes smack
How many times I tell you? it's wiggity-wiggity-wack!
(wiggity-wiggity-wack! wiggity-wiggity-wack!)
Yo, we outta here, it's wiggity-wiggity-wack!


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About Helmets For Hipsters

  • I grew up riding my bike without a helmet, feeling the breeze in my hair. Then that darn government made helmet wearing compulsory. It still is. But you try telling that to fancy-free young urbanites. So in the interest of safeguarding the well-coiffed craniums of my generation, I decided to launch a community service project… Helmets for Hipsters.

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